Punishment
by annem57
Summary: Post 2.15. Yes, another one. Jane gets hurt, and Maura has to deal with the fallout. Rated T for some language.
1. Chapter 1

**Punishment**

"Dr Maura Isles," Maura said into her cell with a humph of displeasure at being interrupted.

"Is this Maura Isles?" a soft voice asked.

"Yes, this is she. Who's calling? I'm in the middle of am autopsy." Maura was making her annoyance obvious, but that was about to change quite quickly.

"This is Sandra Denton, Massachusetts General ER. Are you the emergency contact for Jane Rizzoli?"

Maura couldn't answer for a few seconds, and the nurse asked the question again. "Yes. I am Detective Rizzoli's emergency contact."

"Were you aware that Detective Rizzoli has also named you her medical power of attorney?"

Dumbfounded, Maura replied, "Yes, I'm aware of that. What's happened?"

"You need to come to Mass Gen as soon as possible. Detective Rizzoli is in critical condition."

Maura staggered backwards away from the slab, and found herself falling to the ground. She was about to answer the nurse when the autopsy bay doors were slammed open and Frankie bolted in. "Maura, it's Jane. You gotta come, now."

She mumbled something at the ER nurse, and looked up at Frankie. He extended his hand, and pulled her upright. She tried to go into her office to change out of the bloody scrubs she was wearing, but Frankie stopped her. "I got your bag, Maura. You don't have time to get changed," he said as he pulled her out of the autopsy suite. He didn't give her a chance to do anything other than keep pace with his hurried steps. When they reached the black and white, he yanked open the door and all but pushed her into the passenger seat. He vaulted over the hood of the car and seemed to get in, start the car, put his seatbelt on and speed off in one motion.

Maura gathered her wits, and asked, "What happened to Jane?"

With tears in his voice, he replied, "She was shot three times." Maura gasped, and he continued. "Twice in the chest, once in the head." Now the tears started down his cheeks, and he chanced a quick glance at his passenger. Maura was sitting stock still.

She took a breath, and asked, "How is she?"

Frankie took a deep breath, and on the exhale he said, "They don't expect her to see tomorrow morning."

Maura sank back into the seat, and tried to focus on what had happened, and if there was any hope at all.

###

Maura ran through the ER doors shouting for Sandra Denton. At the positive response, she identified herself, and Denton began to escort Maura back through the ER when an angry voice stopped them.

"YOU! You shouldn't be here! This is YOUR fault!"

Maura turned to see Barry Frost approaching her at a dead run. She put her hands up to try and protect herself from the irate detective when another body stepped in his path.

"Frost!" said Vince Korsak as he grabbed the younger man's shoulders to stop his headlong dash. After a brief struggle, Frost pushed Korsak away. He looked at Maura, disgust marring his handsome features.

"You see this reddish-brown stain, Doctor?" Maura nodded once as Frost held his jacket up to her face. "This is my partner's blood, you bitch! It's your fault! This is your fault! Would it have killed you to answer any one of the forty-six phone calls she made? How about the fifty-five texts, each one begging for your forgiveness?" He turned and started pacing around Maura, all the while ranting at her. "What about the emails that she sent you? I lost count after the first sixty!" Frost stopped pacing and looked directly at Maura. She started to tremble, and for the first time in her friendship with Barold Frost, she was terribly afraid of him. He looked as if he was going to hit her, but he took a step back, looked her up and down and said, "You're not worth my badge." He looked away, then back at her. "Where do you get off punishing Jane for doing her job, huh?"

Korsak tried to pull Frost away from Maura as the nurse started tugging her in the direction of the elevators. Frost pushed Korsak off him again, walked over to a chair and threw himself into it. As he sat, his tears started, and he finished his rant with, "You don't deserve Jane Rizzoli, Doctor."

Maura's own tears began in earnest as Ms Denton pulled her away from the waiting area. "People say things they don't mean when they're angry, Dr Isles. Now," she said as they went behind the curtains, "these are Detective Rizzoli's doctors."

Maura took a deep breath, and asked, "What are we dealing with here?"

The ER doctor took Maura's arm and ushered her into the elevator. "Detective Rizzoli is about to have surgery for the two gunshot wounds to her right chest, both through-and-through. There is also a single gunshot wound to her right temporal area. Thankfully, it's a graze. She has, however, lost a lot of blood, and her prognosis is grim." The small group of doctors stepped off the elevator at the surgical floor. Maura started to ask another question when a familiar voice broke in.

"Maura! Thank goodness you're here!" was all that Angela Rizzoli could get out before she burst into tears. "They won't tell me anything!" she sobbed. "Janie told me months ago that she'd made you her emergency contact and her medical power of attorney. I was glad that she did, but now they won't tell me anything, and I'm her mom!" she ended on a wail.

Maura took Angela's arm, and walked her over to the bank of chairs along the wall. She sat Angela down, and asked the doctor to repeat what he had told her. He obliged, and then said to Maura, "We need your consent to operate."

"You have it. Just fix her up."

The ER doctor nodded at the surgical clerk, who handed Maura a sheaf of papers to be signed. She took the proffered pen, and paused. "I'm the Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Can you get me in to the OR?"

"It's not really procedure,"

She interrupted him. "Please? I need to see for myself what's happened to Jane."

He walked over to the surgery suite doors and entered. Less than two minutes later, he came back and beckoned her. "You can scrub in and observe. That's all Dr Simmons will allow."

"Thank you," she breathed. Turning to Angela, she handed off the paperwork. In the 100 or so seconds the doctor had been gone, Maura had flown through the paperwork, signing wherever she needed to. Angela nodded at her, and took the paperwork in a death grip, as if the papers would keep her connected to Jane.

###

Five minutes later, Maura was in the OR, watching as the surgeons began to do their best to save the woman who she had considered her best friend up to two weeks earlier.

**AN: This is my first foray into R&I. If y'all think it's worth continuing, please let me know.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Punishment chapter 2**

**Sorry about the delay. It's full-on summer here in Australia, and we've had Christmas and everything else to handle. I will get this story finished.**

**R&I don't belong to me. Pity.**

* * *

Two weeks earlier:

"At least I don't play judge and jury and kill people."

You could have knocked Jane Rizzoli over with a feather when the woman she considered her best friend casually delivered the line that effectively ended their years-long friendship. Maura Isles was the only person that Jane willingly showed her vulnerabilities to. Maura was the one person Jane felt comfortable enough around to bitch and moan to - about literally anything.

Maura was the one person who could have been The One for Jane.

To have Maura push Jane away with such force removed a major part of Jane's support network. Yes, she had her family. Yeah, she had Frost and Korsak. Yep, there were the occasional guys. But none of them had infiltrated her life like Maura Isles had, and for Maura to rip apart the relationship that the two of them had been building hit Jane like a slap in the face. In fact, Jane was amazed that she was able to still stand upright, such was the emotional shockwave swirling through her body. She took a deep breath, and tried to go back to work.

The days passed in a haze of sameness for Jane - text Maura, call Maura, email Maura. Nothing was responded to, or even acknowledged. When results were available, one of Maura's assistants brought them up to Korsak. Jane was also going through the IA garbage, even though everyone knew it was a justified shoot, a fact that was driven home when Special Agent Gabriel Dean hobbled in and spoke with IA. He, in no uncertain terms, made it plain that Detective Rizzoli did NOT know that Dean was in the warehouse, nor did she know that Paddy Doyle was there either, and that said detective reacted as she had been trained to do. Jane thanked Dean gravely, but refused to have anything to do with him afterwards.

The emails, texts and calls all said the same thing - I'm so sorry, Maura; please let me explain, Maura - and with each unanswered message, Jane felt herself slipping further into utter sadness. Finally, an overdue lead on an older case came in, and she, Frost and Korsak were going to follow up. She told them to wait downstairs, and she'd catch them up. Jane sat down to write another email to Maura.

'Maura,

I really hope that you're at least reading these emails before you delete them. You're my best friend, Maura - my BEST friend, and I will always regret how I've hurt and betrayed you.

Honest truth, I didn't know that Dean was there. If I had, he wouldn't have been able to take a shot at Doyle. I wouldn't have let him. But I couldn't let Doyle take a shot at Frost or Korsak.

Don't you know that I would have taken a bullet for you if it meant keeping you alive?

I remember reading somewhere that if your life is of no value to your friends, then it's of no value to you.

I guess that you don't want my friendship any more - if you did, maybe you'd have answered any of the gazillion messages that I've sent. Okay, then. As you wish.

No matter what happens, Maur, I will always be your friend. I just wish that I'd done better at being a friend to you.

Love,

Jane'

Rizzoli pressed the send button, and hoped that Maura would at least read this email. She stood, and went to meet her partners.

Thirty minutes later, the three detectives were standing on a doorstep of an unassuming home in Dedham. Jane's gut had been bugging her, and she was the first to see the guns aimed at them. Without thinking, she screamed out "Gun!" and threw herself in front of her partners, absorbing the bullets with her body. As she crumpled to the ground, Frost and Korsak returned fire.

When the smoke cleared, there were two dead perps. Korsak pulled his radio and called for backup and a bus while Frost pulled Jane into his lap, trying to stop the blood from leaking out of her. "Come on, Rizzoli, look at me," he said. "Come on, open your eyes, please?" The tears formed in Frost's eyes, and he felt Korsak drop down next to him as he heard the noise of sirens dopplering closer.

Jane slowly opened her eyes. It seemed to take an age for her to focus on her partners. Her gaze seemed to zero in on Korsak, and she grabbed his hand. "Vince."

"Yeah, Janie, I'm here."

"Vince," she breathed, "t-t-tell Maura I'm s-sorry." She passed out from the pain.

The ambulance pulled up, and the danse macabre began. The paramedics worked with grim efficiency as they got the injured detective onto a gurney and into the back of the bus. Korsak ordered Frost to go with her, and he started making the phone calls that he knew he needed to as he walked back to the cruiser to follow the ambulance to Mass Gen.

###

Angela Rizzoli had been sitting in the surgical waiting room for what seemed like hours. She had been joined by Frankie, then Frost and Korsak. Korsak had sent Frost home to put clean clothes on - 'you don't want Janie's mom to see you like that, Barry,' - and the men had done their best to keep Angela occupied. Cavanaugh had been in to get the Cliff notes version, and Korsak had promised the full report ASAP. The four of them were quietly bickering about whose turn it was for the coffee run when the doors to the surgical suite opened and Maura came out.

Angela stood slowly, her heart in her throat and her hand over her mouth. Frankie quickly rose and put his arm around his mother's shoulders. "Maura. How's Janie?" the young man asked.

Slowly, as if she was trying to swim through molasses, Maura raised her eyes to look at the small group. She took a breath, exhaled and said, "Jane made it through surgery. She's lost a lot of blood, and her heart stopped twice on the table." Maura gaze flicked down at the floor, then up again, and she looked directly at Angela. "If she makes it through the night, the surgeons think she has a good chance of recovery."

"But what do you think, doc?" Vince asked.

The ME seemed befuddled by his question. Why was he asking her when she wasn't the one who performed the surgery? Finally, Korsak's intention seeped through the film of grief and guilt, and Maura was able to answer. "Jane's young. She's strong. There's no reason why she shouldn't recover."

"Unless she doesn't think there is one," Frost muttered quietly.

Angela zeroed in on Jane's partner. "What do you mean, Barry?"

Snidely, he responded with, "Why don't you ask Dr Isles about that?"

Maura's reaction was as immediate as it was shocking. She fainted. Korsak called for a nurse, and told Frankie to get Frost home - NOW! - while Angela started to lift Maura's feet. A nurse trotted over, and she and Vince lifted the unconscious doctor onto a nearby gurney.

"When can I see my daughter, miss?" Angela asked the nurse who was examining Maura.

"Detective Rizzoli is still in recovery, ma'am. When we have her in ICU, I'll come and get you." The nurse was all business as she went on, "Now, please let me help Dr Isles, okay?' Angela nodded and resumed her seat by the wall.

Korsak ambled back over and sat by Angela. He had just taken a deep breath, thinking that Frost's comment had been lost in the commotion, when he heard Angela ask, "Vince? What did Barry mean?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Punishment ch 3**

**AN: sorry about the delay. **

**Still not mine. Drat.**

* * *

_Ba-dum._

_Ba-dum._

_Dark._

_Ba-dum._

_Cold._

_Ba-dum._

_Maura?_

_Ba-dum._

_No Maura._

_Ba-dum._

_Alone._

###

Sergeant Vincent Korsak had seen a great many things during his service as a police officer. He had seen firsthand, far too often, just how terrifyingly evil people could be. He had also seen far too many of his fellow officers, including Jane Rizzoli, injured in the line of duty. And he had been at far too many funerals to want to dig out his dress blues and carry Jane's coffin. In his heart of hearts, he knew - he KNEW - that the only person who could reach Jane, and drag her back out of the jaws of death was currently in a hospital bed herself.

Korsak had spent an uncomfortable fifteen minutes with Angela after Frost's quiet outburst, explaining what he had observed Jane doing to try and get Maura to talk with her, and how the continued wall of silence had Jane sinking further into herself with each refusal from the ME. Angela had seen it from Maura's side - the tears and confusion - and Angela had her own cross to bear.

The night of the Doyle shooting, Angela had gone to Jane's apartment and torn strips off her for hurting Maura.

Jane had stood in her living room, uncharacteristically silent, and taken the verbal blows from her mother with no comment. As Angela's tirade had petered out, Jane had silently ushered her to the door, silently showed her out, and silently closed and locked the door. No amount of Angela's hammering and yelling through the door would get Jane to open up, and it wasn't until Frankie had shown up and dragged Angela away with a quiet "Come on, ma. Leave Jane so she can deal with it." that she had backed down. And it wasn't until Angela had focussed on her son's face that she saw that it wasn't just her girls that were hurting, but her son, too. So, she allowed Frankie to take her back home, where she threw herself into mothering Maura.

Oh, yes. Angela Rizzoli was finally realising that her oldest child was hurting far more deeply than anyone knew, and that Angela had basically taken the knives that Maura had pushed into Jane and twisted them, along with a generous serving of salt.

Angela found herself wondering if she would ever be able to look at her baby girl, and apologise for what she'd done to Jane.

So, when a nurse finally came to take Angela to sit with Jane - 'Only five minutes, Mrs Rizzoli' - Vince went to find Maura.

###

_Ba-dum._

_Blackness._

_Ba-dum._

_Cold._

_Ba-dum._

_Maura?_

_Ba-dum._

_No Maura._

_Ba-dum._

_Ever._

###

"Is this my fault, Vince? Did I make her make a mistake?" the ME asked while trying to control the tears coursing down her cheeks.

Korsak took a deep breath, and simply asked in response, "Did you listen to any of Jane's messages? Look at the texts or emails?"

Ashamed, Maura shook her head. "I was so angry at her. I thought that she'd betrayed me with Agent Dean."

Korsak shook his head. "Have you read any of the reports from the shooting?" When the doctor shook her head, he went on. "Jane didn't know that Agent Dean had followed us to the warehouse. He was the one at fault, not Jane. And if you stopped to think about it, all Jane was doing was protecting you."

Maura hadn't known that Agent Dean was operating on his own, that he hadn't told Jane that he was going to be there. No-one had known that Paddy Doyle was going to be there, either, and no-one could be sure of Doyle's motives for being there. What Maura had done was react in a truly emotional manner - all she saw was that her biological father had been shot by her best friend.

"You know, Doc, Doyle could just have easily put a bullet in Jane as in Agent Dean. And none of us could have predicted that he'd fall off that catwalk."

And just like that, Korsak was able to punch a hole through Maura's anger enough to show her a different perspective to the one she'd been hanging on to, the perspective that had her hating the one person who had always stood by her, who had always chosen her.

She scrubbed her face with her hands, and asked, "Do you know where my phone is?"

###

_Ba-dum._

_Alone._

_Ba-dum._

_Nothing left._

_Ba-dum._

_Maura?_

_Ba-dum._

_Let go._

###

Maura Isles had always been in awe of Jane Rizzoli - her bravery, the greatness of her spirit, the size of her heart, the way that she loved with everything she had. She had spent the last half an hour listening to the voicemails that Jane had left her, and reading the texts and emails. Maura was kicking herself mentally for ignoring all forms of communication with her detective - her BEST friend - and could feel and hear and see the anguish that Jane was going through: the anguish that Maura Isles had deliberately put her through.

Was there any way forward? What she wouldn't give to hear that raspy voice for real instead of a recording.

###

_Ba-dum._

_Darkness._

_Ba-dum._

_Loneliness._

_Ba-dum._

_Maura?_

_Ba-dum._

_Love you._

_Ba-dum._

_Goodbye._

_Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep._


	4. Chapter 4

**Punishment ch4**

**The Italian dialog is courtesy of my son, who is fluent (unlike me, who is not!). If anyone would like a translation, I can send it on.**

**Still not mine. Oh well.**

* * *

_Light._

_Comfort._

_Peace._

_Joy._

_Jane Rizzoli opened her eyes and stared around her. She knew that something was seriously different when she saw her grandmother walking towards her. But nonna was different, somehow - she looked younger and more beautiful than ever. "Nonna?"_

_"Aah, Jane, sei sempre la mia nipotina! e ancora bella!" was what Jane heard her nonna whisper in her ear as she was enveloped in the warmest hug she'd had in what seemed like forever. Jane felt nonna gently patting her on the back, then she felt a gentle push away. "Let me look at you!"_

_Instantly embarrassed, Jane demurred. "No, nonna, I'm ugly. All these scars..." she faded off as she looked at her palms to find they were healed and whole. She looked at nonna, who had moved to stand beside her, and who was smiling gently at her._

_"Uccellina, facciamo una passagiatta," nonna replied, and taking Jane's perfect unscarred right hand in her left, the two women started walking in the warm sunshine._

_After what seemed like a few minutes, nonna directed Jane to sit on what looked like a white marble bench under a spreading shade tree. "You have many questions, no?"_

_Jane nodded. "What is this place, nonna?"_

_Again, the gentle smile. "This is a between place, nipotina. It is beautiful, no? How do you feel now?"_

_"I feel peace, nonna," Jane replied as she leant her head onto her grandmother's shoulder. "I feel like I belong here, with you."_

_Jane felt the lilt of quiet laughter. "And I would love for you to stay, but we both know that you cannot."_

_Jane felt a stab of disappointment. "I alway knew that eventually I'd end up in Hell," she answered quietly._

_"Oh no, uccellina! You will never go to that place! You are good and kind and loving. Never that place for you!" nonna finished with a little force._

_"So, I have to go back?"_

_"Si, nipotina. You still have much to do, and your mama needs you. Your brothers need you." Nonna looked away, then back at Jane. "And your Maura needs you."_

_Jane stood up and walked away from the bench, then turned, thunderclouds shading her brow. "No, nonna! None of them need me." She looked at the grass beneath her feet before she continued in a whisper. "Ma loves Maura more than she loves me. Frankie and Tommy tolerate me." Slow tears rolled down her cheeks as she finished, "And Maura hates me for shooting her dad." Jane wiped her eyes. "Please, nonna, let me stay with you!" she pleaded._

_Nonna was up in an instant, enveloping Jane in her arms again. "Aah, bella, search your heart. You know how you feel about your family, no?" At Jane's nod, nonna continued. "Your Maura is your family, too. She is in as much pain as your mama, and the pain is something that only you can fix."_

_Jane sniffed and nodded her head once. "So, what happens now? Do we have to go somewhere?"_

_"No, uccellina. We just wait for it to happen."_

_"Will it hurt?"_

_"I'm so sorry."_

_Jane nodded again. "Will you hold me?"_

_"Forever, nipotina. Forever."_

_Jane relaxed against her grandmother, revelling in the feel of nonna after so many years apart. She had started to drift off, safe in her nonna's arms when_

_PAIN!_

_Unbearable, inescapable, pain._

###

Maura had just gotten off the hard hospital bed when Angela burst through the door. "Maura! You gotta come!" Angela's voice trailed off.

"What's happened to Jane?"

Angela burst into tears, and grabbing Maura's hand, began to drag her out of her room and back to Jane. "Angela, what's going on?" Maura demanded, an edge of panic in her voice.

"Janie's heart just stopped!"

Suddenly it was Maura dragging Angela to Jane's room. The two women took less than a minute to run down the stairs and turn the corner. It was controlled chaos.

Maura looked into Jane's room in ICU to see a doctor kneeling at Jane's side administering CPR. Instructions were being shouted out at whoever was there.

"Charging, charging, charging...CLEAR!" Maura saw Jane's limp form convulse with the force of the shock, then fall back onto the bed. "Still nothing! Another epinephrine, now!"

"Charging, charging, charging...CLEAR!" The same shock, the same convulsion, the same result - nothing.

Maura pushed her way past the doctors to stand by Jane's head. While the doctor on the bed kept up the CPR, Maura started talking to Jane.

"Jane, I know you can hear me," she said as the noise in the room fell away until all Maura could hear were the words she was saying to Jane. "You can't leave me, you hear me, you can't." She leant forward, and kissed Jane on the forehead. She heard the shout to clear, and let go of Jane for the milliseconds of the shock. Still nothing.

The doctor doing CPR yelled, "How long?"

"Seven minutes, doctor."

He looked at Maura, silently asking for directions. "Try again," she said, "please." came out in a strangled whisper. He nodded, and the team kept up their pace.

"Come on, Jane, you're stronger than this. I know you, and I'm so sorry for doubting you. I'm so sorry for how I treated you." All around her, the clamour raged, but Maura was not going to let anything distract her from her friend - her BEST friend - and how to reach her. She heard the chant of 'charging, charging,' fade, and all of her focus narrowed to the brunette in the bed before her. She leant in and said, directly in Jane's ear, "I can't do this without you." She heard the command 'CLEAR!', and just before the shock, she said to Jane, "I love you. Come back to ME."

The shock pulsed through the detective.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

"Come on, Jane. Fight."

Silence.

Beep.

Beep.

Ba-dum.

Ba-dum.


	5. Chapter 5

**Punishment ch 5**

**Sorry about the delay. I really appreciate the kind reviews. I think I might be halfway through at this stage.**

**As always, SO not mine.**

* * *

_Ba-dum._

_Pain._

_Ba-dum._

_Ma?_

_Ba-dum._

_No love._

_Ba-dum._

_Maura?_

_Ba-dum._

_Hates me._

_Ba-dum._

_Nonna, please take me back!_

_Ba-dum._

###

It had been a week since Jane's shooting: a week since they nearly lost her. Seven days during which Maura relived the horror of watching the medical staff work on Jane, doing all they could to bring her back.

Seven days of watching machines breathe for Jane.

Seven days of wondering when Jane would regain consciousness.

Maura would not allow herself to even entertain the thought that Jane might not come back from the twilight world she was currently in. No, Jane had to come back and be fine. She had to come back so that Maura could apologise for what she now knew had been her last words to Jane.

"At least I don't play judge and jury and kill people."

Maura had been able to admit to herself in the hours that she'd spent by Jane's bedside that she had been wrong, so, so wrong, on so many levels, by saying that to the detective. And when Korsak had finally passed on what could very well be Jane's last message to Maura, she was shamed to her very centre.

"Tell Maura I'm sorry."

Nothing for her family; nothing for the partner that was trying to stem her bleeding; nothing for the man that had been her partner. Just a message for the so-called friend who had completely ignored her following the shooting in the warehouse. And it wasn't a message of undying love: it was an apology.

Maura's last words to Jane were a bitter accusation, but Jane's last words were another heartfelt apology.

Ashamed didn't even begin to describe how the ME was feeling about herself and her treatment of the homicide detective.

She leant forward to start talking to Jane again when the ICU nurse tapped her on the shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Dr Isles. Visiting hours are over."

Maura looked up at the nurse and took a breath to speak, but the nurse interrupted her. "Detective Rizzoli's doctors want to run some tests. I'll give you a call with the results?" Maura nodded and stood. She leant down and whispered in Jane's ear, "I love you, Jane. Come back to me, and you'll never doubt how I feel about you. Ever." She then kissed the silent woman on the forehead, and left the room.

###

_Ba-dum._

_Nonna?_

_Ba-dum._

_Please come back!_

_Ba-dum._

_Please!_

_Ba-dum._

_Nonna?_

_Ba-dum._

###

Jane Rizzoli's doctors were at a loss as to why she wasn't waking up. All of her test results showed that she had good brain function, excellent bilateral breath sounds, and a solid if slightly weak heartbeat. Her bowels and bladder were working more or less normally, given that she was on a feeding tube and IV. When the neuro checks were done, including pinpricks to her hands and feet, her responses were well within normal limits. They had been able to remove the vent, and she was breathing normally, if a little slowly. In short, the detective should be awake.

But Jane Rizzoli slumbered on.

Maura and Angela were discussing Jane's progress with her doctors, and Angela was quite open in her frustration with her daughter. "But why isn't Janie waking up?" was the question that Angela kept coming back to.

"Mrs Rizzoli, that's what we're wondering ourselves. Physically, there is no reason why Detective Rizzoli shouldn't be awake and giving us a hard time."

"You've read Jane's medical records, obviously," Maura said drily.

Doctor DeSpain barked out a laugh. "Actually, her medical records show that she's stubborn and headstrong - exactly the combination that should have her running the ICU staff ragged with constant demands for release AMA or better food or more entertainment," he finished with a chuckle, then sobered. He indicated the two doctors with him - the thoracic surgeon and the neurosurgeon - and said, "That's why we'd like to get a psych consult, if that's alright with you?"

"A headshrinker?" Angela shouted. "Janie's not even awake! How can a shrink help my daughter?" Maura tried to calm Angela down, but the Rizzoli matriarch was building up a head of steam that was at least a week in coming, but actually more like a month. She was about to let fly with a very colourful stream of invective when a hand gripped her shoulder, and a soft voice interjected with:

"Not for Jane, Mrs Rizzoli."

Angela whirled around to see a young doctor looking at her compassionately. The younger woman was the same height as Maura, but that was where the similarities ended. Amanda James was red-haired and blue-eyed, and while slender, her stance indicated that she was used to command, and was all muscle under the white lab coat that she wore. She extended her hand, first to Angela and then to Maura. "Amanda James, psychiatric consult. I'd actually like to speak with each of you about the last few weeks before Jane's injury." Angela and Maura looked at each other, and the guilt radiated out of both of them in spades. Dr James took it all in her stride, and motioned for the two women to come with her. She looked at Dr DeSpain, and gave a brief nod. As she walked away from the group, Maura took Angela's hand and led her after the psychiatrist.

The three men watched the women leave. DeSpain glanced at his compatriots, and said, almost sadly, "I hope that Amanda can get the information we need to help Detective Rizzoli come back to us." His two friends nodded their agreement, and the three of them went back into the ICU.

###

_Ba-dum._

_Nonna?_

_Ba-dum._

_Do I have to go back?_

_Ba-dum._

_(Si, uccellina. You must.)_

_Ba-dum._

_But I don't want to._

_Ba-dum._

_I'll be alone._

_Ba-dum._

_(Never, nipotina.)_

_Ba-dum._

Jane Rizzoli opened her eyes to muted darkness. Her waking had caused a change in her heartbeat that the EKG translated into a change of sound. The nurse noticed, and came over to stand beside her bed.

"Welcome back, Detective Rizzoli. How do you feel?"

Jane looked at the nurse dumbly, and asked, "What did you say?"

The nurse started to ask the same question, but Jane grabbed her wrist and snapped, "Stop messing with me, and speak up!" The nurse snapped her fingers beside Jane's head, but there was no response. Thinking quickly, she pulled her notepad out of her pocket and wrote the question down. Jane pulled herself up and looked around the darkened ICU room. She could see the monitors and other machines were working, but they were all silent. "Are those machines working?" The nurse nodded, and Jane's next question was, "Are they making noises?" Another nod, and Jane came to the realisation that she would never work as a homicide detective again. She waved the nurse away, and said, "No-one gets in to see me, okay? No-one. No family, no friends, no-one." The nurse indicated she understood, and left the room, pulling the door closed.

Jane lay back down in the bed, facing away from the door. She wondered just why it was so important for her to come back when she couldn't hear anything.

Who would want a deaf cop around?

* * *

**AN: I don't use a beta, and my spelling is real English.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Punishment ch6**

**Still not mine. And thank you again for your reviews - it is very much appreciated.**

* * *

Anita Jones, the ICU nurse, had wasted no time in calling Jane's doctors, and after drawing straws, Dr DeSpain knocked on Jane's door and entered her room.

"I said I didn't want to see anyone." She had seen the doctor's reflection in the monitors.

DeSpain chuckled and replied as he moved to stand in front of Jane, "Well, it's a good thing that I'm not just anyone. Phil DeSpain. I operated on you," as he stuck his hand out.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

The doctor lifted the notepad to show Jane, then he wrote down what he'd just said.

Jane nodded and shook his hand. "Neat writing for a doctor."

He laughed out loud at that, and asked Jane if he could please check her over. She nodded once, and he indicated that he was going to turn the lights on. He then wrote down everything he was going to do before he did it, and each time he moved, he made sure that he tapped Jane on the arm or shoulder so as not to startle her. He had also asked if the nurse could return to Jane's room so that she could assist him, and Jane had agreed to that. Every time DeSpain or Anita moved, they tapped Jane, and each thing the doctor noted, he showed Jane. Then he asked if his colleagues could come in. At Jane's nod, Anita walked over to the door and called them in. DeSpain made sure that Robbins and Teo went through the same process with Jane.

After she had been checked over, and Chuck Teo, the neurosurgeon, had given her a basic hearing test, Jane sighed. Looking at DeSpain, she asked, "So. Why did you keep touching me?"

The surgeon chuckled again, and replied, "My best friend while I was in college was profoundly deaf. Jamie taught me the best way to act around him, and I just did the same to you. Even learnt a bit of sign language."

Jane nodded, and looked at the doctors and nurse at her bedside. "Okay then. What's next?"

"Well, the next step is an MRI, then a PET scan. Plus, we'll run air conduction tests and bone conduction tests to see what the best solution is for you. Does that work for you, Detective?"

The detective in question shook her head once, and answered, "Not detective. Just Jane, and that sounds fine." She thought for a while, then looked back at DeSpain. "I really don't want any visitors, okay?"

For the first time, DeSpain looked troubled at her request. "If you're sure, Jane. You know that people recover better when they have their loved ones around."

"Aaaand that's the problem. No loved ones available at this time."

"What about your mother? Or Dr Isles?"

"Nope. That's not how I remember them. Actually, that's not how they see me," she said pensively.

"Alright, Jane, if that's what you want." He looked at his colleagues, then back at Jane. "I'd like to order another consult." Jane raised an eyebrow, and he smirked at her. "I can see why you're considered to be one of the best at what you do. A psych consult, if that's alright with you?"

Jane pondered for a moment. "Okay. I'll talk with your shrink." She took a deep breath, then added, "But, no-one else. And no details about my 'condition', alright?"

DeSpain nodded his agreement. "I'll have Amanda James come by after lunch. You're going to have a busy morning, Jane."

"I guess."

"Can I let your mother and Dr Isles know that you're awake?"

Once again, she pondered the question before finally nodding once. "Just that, though. And NO visitors." She shook her head and muttered to herself, "No-one needs to see me like this. Hell, no-one needs me." Jane's doctors shook her hand and bid her farewell, then the three of them exited, leaving Jane in Anita's tender care. She helped Jane to lay back down, all the time writing down her comments.

Anita administered Jane's meds, both pain and otherwise, and patted her on the arm. Just before she left Jane for what was left of the night, she asked, "Are you sure you don't want any visitors, Jane?" Her patient just grunted and shook her head. The nurse stroked Jane's hair once, then left the room, shutting the door behind her. All Anita could think about was what kind of turmoil would occur in the morning when both Mrs Rizzoli and Dr Isles came in to sit with Jane.

Not a comforting thought, and she made a mental note to let the next shift know about it during changeover.

###

"What do you mean, Jane doesn't want any visitors? I'm her mother! I demand to see her!"

Maura understood why Angela was upset - it made her morning when the ICU nurse called her to inform her that Jane had woken during the night. It was only when she and Angela had arrived at the hospital to find that Jane had requested no visitors. Not even family. And Maura couldn't for the life of her work out why that would be the case. Why did Jane not want visitors? She left Angela ranting at the nurse, and went to find Dr DeSpain.

Fifteen minutes later, Angela had run out of steam. At one point, she had even tried to barge into Jane's room, only to find her entry prevented by two large hospital security personnel. She stomped over to the family lounge and flopped down into one of the seats. She looked over to see Maura walk into the room. What stopped Angela from speaking her mind to Maura was the stunned look on the younger woman's face. "Maura, honey? What's the matter?" she asked as she maneuvered Maura over to a seat, and pushing her down.

Dazed, Maura looked around without really focussing on anything. She opened her mouth as if to speak, but couldn't put into words what she was feeling. Finally, just as Angela was about to question her again, Maura found the words that she was looking for. "Dr DeSpain told me that Jane was having a battery of tests this morning." Maura scrubbed her face with her hands.

"But that's good, isn't it?"

"DeSpain talked to Jane while I was in his office. He was able to get her permission to give me a few details." Tears came to Maura's eyes as she recalled the details that the surgeon finally gave her.

Angela felt like she was missing something, but leant into Maura and put her hand on the ME's leg. "And?"

Now the tears started to flow in earnest as she answered. "The last memory that Jane has of you and I is how much we hate her." Angela pulled back, shocked. Maura went on. "That's why she doesn't want any visitors, and why she didn't want us given any information." The younger woman had to stop and collect herself before she was able to continue. "DeSpain told me that Jane is completely deaf." She burst into tears again, and was inconsolable at the mere thought of the pain that Jane must be in, and that the detective was going through it alone.

Angela sat there, silent tears tracking down her cheeks, a month's worth of regrets colouring her thoughts. Jane, her Janie, didn't want anyone to visit.

Jane thought that they hated her.

How were they going to repair their relationship with Jane if they were unable to see her?

* * *

**Dun dun daaa!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Punishment 7**

**Hi all.**

**I have tried to get the medical stuff right. DOn't get mad until you get to the end of the chapter. You'll see why.**

**95 follows - wahoo!**

**Still NOT MINE!**

* * *

Jane had just finished another session with her shrink. Strangely, she found that she actually liked the psychiatrist. Amanda didn't dumb anything down for her, she didn't ever use the 'royal we' that a lot of doctors seemed to, and she was fun to be around.

And that was when Jane realised she acted around Amanda the way that she acted around Maura.

Like a best friend.

Jane shook her head to clear it, and thought, 'Never gonna happen, Rizzoli. You really screwed the pooch this time. At least Maura's got ma.' The detective then thought back over the last few days, and how busy it had been.

First off, it was into the cramped confines of the MRI. It was probably the only time that Jane was grateful for her deafness, as she knew how noisy MRIs got. Then it was PET scans and hearing tests and respiratory therapy twice a day, and physical therapy started that same morning. It all left her feeling as weak as a two-day-old kitten.

It was during one of the hearing tests that Jane, the audiologist, and the neurologist all realised that Jane couldn't hear herself speak. As she said to Dr Teo, she knew the words she'd said, and had thought out the sentences in her head, but she couldn't hear what she was saying. The only way she even knew she was making sounds was that she could feel her throat moving, and could just barely feel the vibrations through her skull. The bone conduction tests had not been very promising, so using a cochlear implant would be only minimally successful. When the three of them sat down to go over all of the test results, the thing that stood out was the lack of colour in the PET scans that would have showed brain activity in the auditory processing centres of Jane's brain.

The likely diagnosis was neural hearing loss - profound and permanent deafness. As to how it happened, the only reasons they could come up with was either a head injury, or neural decline while Jane was clinically dead. Dr Reubens, the ENT specialist who had been asked to consult on Jane's case, mentioned that there had been some success with Auditory Brain Stem Implants in treating neural hearing loss. At this stage however, the ABI could only indicate whether a sound was being made, not allow differentiation between sounds. And, in Dr Reubens' opinion, Jane was in no way physically well enough to undertake the surgery. "Maybe in a year's time, Jane," he had soothed her (or at least, tried to).

She was still not willing to have visitors - her well-known phobia about showing weakness had a fairly strong grip on her psyche, so the only person she had seen other than medical staff had been Lieutenant Cavanaugh. It was a short, painful visit for both of them - Cavanaugh couldn't get the hang of writing down what he was saying, and Jane was ferociously embarrassed by her weaknesses, both real and imagined. So, it was a relief for both of them when the nurse came in with Jane's afternoon meds. The lieutenant shook her hand and went to say goodbye, but choked on the word and waved instead. Jane returned the wave sadly, and got a look at what her future was going to be like.

Jane had always been a gregarious person, but the deafness had isolated her completely. When she added how Maura and her mother felt about her, the only thing she could see in her future was a lonely life in never-ending solitude.

If only there was some way for her to actually hear Maura telling her that she loved her, instead of the harsh words that had been thrown at her by the ME outside the warehouse.

###

"Dr Isles, Mrs Rizzoli. Thank you for meeting with me this afternoon." Amanda James was all business as she shook hands with the two women.

"I must admit, Dr James, that we were quite surprised to get your message, wanting to meet with us today, particularly given that Jane still doesn't want any visitors," Maura responded.

Amanda looked at the two of them thoughtfully. "Let's just say that I don't agree with Jane on that point." She looked at her laptop, then back at Maura and Angela. "I also committed a felony earlier today."

"Do I need to remind you that I am an employee of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, doctor?"

Dr James threw back her head and laughed. It was a joyous sound for the few seconds it lasted, then she sobered, and continued. "Duly noted, doctor. As I was saying, I don't agree with Jane's edict regarding visitors, so in my session with her, I used my laptop to capture video of Detective Rizzoli with neither her knowledge not her consent." She shrugged. "Hence, commission of a felony."

"Actually, Amanda, that's a federal offence..." Maura started before being interrupted by Angela.

"I don't care, just show me the movie of Janie."

Amanda nodded, then directed their attention to a flat screen tv on the wall beside her desk. "I wanted to show you something that I noticed yesterday, and it became more apparent today." She started the video, and noticed the two of them watching Jane hungrily. "Close your eyes, please." She held her hand up to forestall their objections. "Humour me, okay? I just want you to listen to how Jane is speaking, not what she's saying. Amanda then hit enter, and watched her companions' reactions.

Maura heard it first. "Jane's slurring her words."

The video was stopped, and Amanda looked at them. "Yes. I first observed this yesterday. Now, I was looking for it, but for it to happen this quickly is interesting." It was obvious that Angela had missed what was going on, so the psychiatrist explained a little more. "Have you ever listened to someone who is deaf, speak?" When Angela shook her head, Amanda continued. "They tend to slur their words, start dropping the letters at the end of words, things like that. Because Jane is unable to even hear herself speak, the built-in word editor that we develop is already beginning to lose function in her. When I mentioned this to her, her initial response was fairly negative. However, she soon grasped what was going on. I left her with some literature from the National Association of Deaf and Deaf, Inc., which is here in Boston." Maura was nodding thoughtfully, but Angela stood up and started pacing around the office.

Angrily, she shouted, "Janie isn't going to stay deaf! She doesn't need to know any of that deaf stuff!" The Italian mamma was becoming more apparent as Angela became more angry. "Janie's going to get better, so you stop telling her about that stuff!"

"Angela, I know.." Maura began before Angela threw her hand up in the universal stop sign.

"Maura, I love you like you are my own child, but Jane is going to get better. And if you don't agree, then you can just leave now!"

"Mrs Rizzoli..."

"And you! You call yourself a doctor! You just want Janie to be one of those disabled people! She's gonna get better, I'm telling you!"

Maura stood up, and grabbed hold of Angela's flailing arms. "Angela, stop." Very firmly, the Chief Medical Examiner took control of the situation. "Go home, please. Make us dinner. I'll take care of everything, I promise." She kept looking at the older woman until Angela finally looked her in the eye. She saw the steel that Maura kept carefully hidden, and backed down. Maura pulled her in for a quick hug, then stepped away. "I will take care of this, Angela. You have my word."

Angela Rizzoli did not often back down from anything, but the steel in Maura's voice and the glint in her eyes convinced the matriarch that it was time for her to let someone else be in command of things. She nodded once at the two doctors, turned, and left the office.

"Now, Dr James, I suggest you show me the results of your crime spree."

Amanda pressed the enter key, and the video started up again. Maura focussed on Jane: on how she was sitting up in bed, how she looked physically, how she sounded, and what she was saying. Given that Maura hadn't seen anything of Jane for more than three and a half weeks, it could have overloaded her senses, but if there was one thing that Maura could do well, it was compartmentalise. Finally, the session ended, and the Chief Medical Examiner was on the job.

"Thank you for that. You and I are going to visit Jane." Amanda opened her mouth to object, but was silenced when Maura spoke two words.

"Right now."

* * *

**AN: do you get it, now? I have friends who are deaf, so I mean absolutely no offence. My children can all sign, and I can finger spell. I have, however, seen people react this way. **

**To paraphrase a song, it's my story...**

**So, don't flame me too badly.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Punishment 8**

**Finally. Jane and Maura get to 'talk' in this chapter. I still have a lot of story to tell, so please be patient.**

**So NOT MINE!**

* * *

Phil DeSpain came out of Jane's room, smiling at the progress his patient was making, when he saw Amanda James escorting Maura toward him. When he realised that it was Maura's intention to visit Jane, he moved quickly to intercept the two women. As he approached them, he said, "I didn't know that Jane had asked to see you, Dr Isles. When did that change?"

Not for the first time, Maura silently cursed her inability to lie. "I don't have permission. Dr James doesn't agree with Jane, so she showed me some video that she'd taken of Jane's last session." Amanda James could not believe that she had been dropped into all sorts of trouble by someone she had been trying to help. She stared at Maura, mouth open in amazement. Before she could get anything out, Maura turned to her apologetically and added, "I'm sorry - I probably should have mentioned that I can't lie." Maura shrugged, "Long story for another time. May I please speak to Jane, Dr DeSpain?"

DeSpain shook his head. "Right now, Jane is having speech therapy, so at the very least, you'll have to be patient until that's finished. You can wait in the on-call room behind the nurses' station." He then turned to Dr James. "And you and I will be having a chat with the administrator. Don't you realise how much trouble you've landed yourself and this hospital in?"

The psychiatrist was unrepentant. "In my professional opinion, Detective Rizzoli will recover better with her family and friends around her, and..."

"Now, stop right there, Dr James. That is NOT your call, it's Jane's. For what it's worth, I happen to agree with you, but it's Jane's choice to make, not yours." He shook his head, and turned to one of the Surgical stepdown nurses. "Brenda, will you please ensure that Dr Isles is extended every courtesy, short of being allowed to visit Detective Rizzoli until I return?" Brenda answered affirmatively, and DeSpain turned back to Amanda. He indicated to her that she should accompany him, and, unwillingly, she preceded him along the corridor to the elevators.

Once the two doctors had entered the elevator, and the doors had closed, Brenda let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding. She walked the half-dozen steps to the on-call room and asked, "Dr Isles, is there anything I can get you?"

Maura looked up at the nurse from the sofa she had commandeered. "No thank you, Brenda." She indicated her laptop and paperwork. "As you can see, I have more than enough to keep me busy." She stared wistfully over Brenda's shoulder towards Jane's room. Placing her attention back on the nurse, she asked, "Are you able to at least tell me how Jane's doing?"

Brenda smiled. "Of course, Dr Isles. Detective Rizzoli is recovering from her injuries more quickly than Dr DeSpain expected. She's doing better in PT and respiratory therapy each time."

The ME gave a soft smile at hearing about Jane's progress. "I'm also Jane's medical POA. May I see her medical records, please?"

"Of course, doctor," came the response, and within a minute, Maura had Jane's file open, and was studying each page intently.

When she had finished reading Jane's file, Maura sat back to mull over what she had seen. She was deep in thought when Dr DeSpain stuck his head through the door and asked, "Are you ready to see Jane?"

There was only one response possible.

"Absolutely!"

###

Jane was sitting up in bed, quietly apprehensive about seeing her former best friend again. Dr DeSpain had explained to her what Amanda James had done, and after assuring Jane that the psychiatrist would be disciplined severely by the hospital, he asked the question that Jane had been dreading. "So, Jane. Dr Isles is waiting in the on-call room. What do you think about letting her spend just a few minutes with you?"

She had carefully considered what her realistic options were - see her and dispel all hope, or not see her and know that everyone involved in her care would be disappointed again - and made the choice to let Maura in. While she was waiting for Maura to enter her room, she thought back over her speech therapy session.

_There had been breathing exercises and mouth exercises and posture exercises, and the breathing and posture work had been hellishly painful due to Jane's broken ribs. She'd understood that the broken ribs were due to the seven or so minutes of CPR, but that didn't take away the pain. And Blake Adams, her speech therapist, was unfailingly good-humoured, and that started bugging her about fifteen minutes in to the hour-long session._

_Blake had also taught Jane that she could 'hear' herself by placing her hand on either her cheek or her chest to feel the vibrations. "You know, Jane, being deaf isn't the end of the world," Blake said as their session was winding down._

_Jane just shrugged. "Yeah, I know, but I can't be a cop anymore, so I have to find a whole new career!"_

_Blake saw her look away, so he tapped her on the arm to get her to focus on him. "Maybe you can't be a homicide detective anymore, but you can still be a police officer of some kind. Can I bring a friend with me tomorrow? Maybe see if I can give you some ideas?"_

_She nodded tiredly as she answered him in the affirmative. "Volume control, Jane!" he reminded her as he gathered his things. He gave her one last pat on the shoulder and left Jane to contemplate the exercises he'd given her, and how best to do them._

She came out of her reverie to see Maura enter the room. Ever the detective, Jane took in Maura's appearance. She was obviously tired and stressed, but still managed to look like she had stepped out of the pages of Vogue magazine. Jane pasted on a smile, and hoped that Maura would cut her a little bit of slack, given the fact that she was in a hospital bed. Jane wasn't sure that she could take another dressing down from the ME.

For her part, it took everything that Maura had not to run to Jane and fall on her knees by the bed to beg for forgiveness. She took a deep breath and looked, really looked at Jane. She could see some of the post-op bruising; took in the IVs still running into slender arms; noted that the graze on Jane's head was pretty much healed. The fact that Jane was sitting up was excellent, but Maura could see the fatigue-related bruising around Jane's eyes. Jane's eyes, there was something about Jane's eyes. There was an emotion in them that Maura had seen so rarely that she couldn't place it.

So, making a decision, the ME approached the bed at her normal walking pace. She pulled the chair closer, and reached out to take Jane's hand. Jane's reaction was instant, and to the doctor, extremely upsetting.

Jane moved her hand away from Maura's grip as quickly as she could.

Maura very slowly extended her hand, gently put it on Jane's shoulder and gave a soft squeeze. "Jane?" she asked. "Are you feeling alright?"

Jane nodded once and replied, "You do know I'm deaf, right?" Maura indicated that, yes, she was aware of that fact. "So, you gotta write things down. Y'know, so I can see what you're saying."

Maura was quite tempted to laugh, but instead she carefully took Jane's chin and gently moved her head until Jane was facing Maura. "You know that I know you can lipread, Jane." When she was sure that Jane wasn't going to avert her eyes, Maura pulled a writing pad out of her bag and started writing, but before she had more than two words down on the page, Jane spoke.

"Why are you here, Maura?"

"I'm here to see how you are. To make sure that your recovery is proceeding well."

"Are they the only reasons?"

"Well, no. I wanted to make sure that you're actually alive and okay." Maura looked away briefly, then looked directly in Jane's eyes. "I spent a week sitting by your bed in the ICU, holding your hand and wondering if I'd ever see you again. If I'd ever have the chance to tell you how I feel. Hoping that I wouldn't be standing by your coffin, holding your Mother's hand and trying to be strong while dying inside. A week, Jane. Seven days where I didn't know whether you were going to live." Maura's speech had sped up to the point where it was starting to run together, and Jane had to stop her.

"Maura! I can't lipread that fast! You either gotta slow down or write it out. Jeez."

The ME bit back a sob, and Jane couldn't help but try to comfort her. "Come on, Maur. I'm here, I'm doing okay. Please don't cry." Maura willed the tears to stop, and while she was wiping her eyes, she heard Jane say, "But I still don't get why you're here."

"What do you mean?"

"Because the last words I remember hearing you say to me were: at least I don't play judge and jury and kill people."

Maura finally recognised the emotion in Jane's eyes.

It was fear. Jane was afraid of her.


	9. Chapter 9

**Punishment 9**

**This is more of a Jane-centric effort, to which you all respond, well, duh! That's how characters are speaking to me, though.**

**So not mine.**

* * *

_"But I still don't get why you're here."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"Because the last words I remember hearing you say to me were: at least I don't play judge and jury and kill people."_

_Maura finally recognised the emotion in Jane's eyes. It was fear. Jane was afraid of her._

"Jane?" What are you afraid of?"

"Well, gee, Maura, I don't know," came the sarcastic rejoinder. "Maybe it's the fact that if I tell you how I really feel, it'll give you another chance to shatter me."

The ME looked troubled. "I don't understand, Jane."

Jane shook her head, and answered, "No, you don't."

"Then why don't you explain it to me?"

Scrubbing her hands through her dark hair, Jane sighed, then quietly responded, "Before I shot your father, I was getting to the point where I was ready to acknowledge to myself how I feel about you, and I wanted to invite you to dinner so we could talk. Then that shooting happened...and everything went to crap. You wouldn't talk to me, or answer any of my calls or messages or emails, and it broke me open!" She sighed again, leaned back into her pillows, and closed her eyes.

Maura reached out, and gently squeezed Jane's hand to get her attention. "So, why don't you tell me now how you feel? I'm right here, and I promise I'll listen to every word you say."

"I can't," the detective replied.

"But why can't you?"

"Because it won't erase the words that are running around in my brain on a permanent loop!" she shouted as she pointed to her head. "It won't change the terrible feelings those words give me!"

Maura slumped back into her chair, but didn't let go of Jane's hand, even though the brunette tried to pull her hand out of the blond's grip. Shaking her head, Maura whispered, "I didn't know." Tears welled up in hazel eyes as she continued. "I didn't stop to think how much my actions were hurting you. All I could see was how you shot my father; how you betrayed me with Dean."

Gathering herself, Jane finally wrenched her hand from Maura's grasp. "All I've done is think about that betrayal, about the shooting. About what you said. I don't trust myself around you, Maura. You deserve so much better than me," she said, folding her arms so that Maura couldn't take her hand.

The ME didn't let that stop her. She stood up, put her hands on Jane's shoulders and shook them gently to get her friend's attention. "Why don't you let me be the judge of who or what I deserve?" Maura looked away briefly, gathering her thoughts to put them into words in the best possible way. "If you can't tell me how you feel, may I tell you what my feelings are?"

Jane shook her head, but Maura wouldn't let her look away. Then, inspiration struck Maura, and she leant in close to Jane. She put her lips against Jane's forehead, and whispered, "I love you, Jane," hoping that Jane would feel the vibrations and get some inkling of how Maura felt, and how deeply those feelings ran. She pulled back enough to see Jane's face, and was shocked to see Jane's eyes glittering with unshed tears. "Jane? What's the matter?"

The detective brushed the wetness away, and replied in a whisper, "I felt that." She touched the spot where Maura had spoken, and said again, "I felt that."

"I knew that you would. You're deaf, not insensate. Do you know what I said?"

"No."

"I said," Maura responded as she moved directly into Jane's line of sight, "that I love you." She finished with a smile that vanished when she saw Jane shake her head. "What's wrong, Jane? she asked as Jane continued to shake her head.

The brunette hesitated before answering the question. "I'm not sure that I believe you, Maura." It was obvious that it had hurt Jane as much to say it out loud as it hurt Maura to hear Jane's lack of belief in her. Jane finally, _finally_ reached out to Maura and grabbed her hand. "I want to believe you, I really do. But those last words keep coming back and coming back, and because I can't replace them because I can't hear you, I don't know what to do!"

Maura held onto Jane's hand like it was a lifeline, and for a moment, wished that Jane could feel by osmosis the love that Maura had for her, wished that she'd made an effort to talk to Jane so that there would be other words for Jane to focus on. A memory filtered up through the emotional miasma, and Maura grasped it gratefully. "Do you remember what I said when you thought that I was interested in Tommy?"

"Yeah. You said that you liked Tommy a lot, but that you loved me."

"Can you remember how I sounded when I said that to you?" Jane bit back a sob as she answered affirmatively. "Okay, so what I'd like you to try is this." She made sure that Jane was paying attention before she said, "When you start to hear the hateful things, which I was so very wrong to say, make the effort to replace them with what I said about you and Tommy. Will you do that, please?"

Jane nodded slowly, and Maura enveloped her best friend in a hug that seemed to go on forever, all the while saying the three magic words on Jane's forehead. Finally, Maura pulled back. "Is it alright with you if I come back tomorrow to visit you, Jane?"

Jane nodded again, and the trademark Rizzoli grin finally made it onto her face. "I'd like that. Maybe for dinner? I have like six different kinds of therapy during the day."

Maura nodded her agreement. "I'll check and see if I'm allowed to bring you real food." She thought a bit, then asked, "What about your mother? Would you like her to visit now?"

The change in Jane's demeanour was as fast as it was polar. "No! I don't wanna see her, not yet!"

"Why not, Jane? She misses you, and I know she feels guilty about what she said to you."

"Did she tell you exactly what she said to me?" When the ME shook her head, Jane continued. "Ma came over to my apartment that same night, and she was so mad at me! She said a lot of stuff, but the bullet points were: how could you do this to Maura, Jane? What were you thinking, shooting her father, Jane? It'll be a miracle if Maura doesn't hate you, Jane. I can't be around you, Jane. I love Maura like she's my daughter, too, Jane." Jane took a breath, and Maura saw the tears gather as Jane continued with Angela's tirade. "But then my own mother told me she hated me, and didn't want to talk to me until after I'd made things right with you. If I hadn't texted Frankie to come get her, she'd still be standing in my living room, screaming at me about what a terrible person I am."

Maura now understood Angela's guilt, but she also saw how badly her own actions had hurt Jane. Right there and then, Maura vowed to herself that, as much as was humanly possible, Jane would only feel and see positive things from her.

She didn't realise just how soon that vow was soon to be tested.

* * *

**Once again, thank you all so much for the kind reviews. I am aiming at getting this tale finished, as I am getting requests to finish some 'Castle' WIPs. I appreciate your patience. Yay!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Punishment 10**

**Probably a bit of a rating change - T, I think.**

* * *

J_ane woke up to find herself duct taped to a chair in a darkened room. She tried to move her head, only to find that she couldn't. The whole scenario seemed appallingly familiar, and the voice she heard only served to confirm her fears._

_"So nice of you to join us, Jane," said Charles Hoyt as he moved around in front of her. Jane gasped when she saw who Hoyt's prisoner was. "That's right, Jane. You know what I'm going to do to Dr Isles, don't you?"_

_"No! Your fight's with me, Hoyt, not her! Let her go!"_

_Hoyt shook his finger at her. "Now, Jane, you know that's not how this game is played." He turned to look at the doctor in his arms. She had her hands bound behind her, her blouse was torn and she had bruises on her face. He took the scalpel and ran it down Maura's face, drawing blood and a wail from the doctor. Jane strained against the bindings on her arms, but was unable to loosen them even slightly. She felt a wetness gather on her wrists, and knew that she had drawn blood._

_Hoyt chuckled at Jane's agony as he threw Maura to the floor of the darkened room. Grinning at Jane's struggles, he sliced Maura's clothes from her, then casually unzipped his pants. "You know that it has to go this way, Jane. It's the rules." Then while Jane screamed herself hoarse at him, he proceeded to rape Maura every way he could. As he reached his climax, he took the scalpel, and slit Maura's throat through both the internal and external carotid arteries, allowing her blood to coat him._

_He stood and stretched his hands over his head, the fresh blood dripping from him, chuckling at his captive audience. "I'll get you, you son of a bitch," the detective grunted._

_In response, he picked up Jane's gun and cocked it. "Now, just how are you going to do that from the grave, Jane?" he asked as he walked over to stand in front of her. He_ _lifted the weapon and placed the muzzle against her forehead. "Goodbye, Jane," and he pulled the trigger._

###

"Nooo! Mauraaa!" she screamed as she wrenched herself from the nightmare. The room was dark which fuelled her need to escape. She sat up in bed and felt the tug on her arms from the IVs, so she simply pulled them out. Not caring that she was in a hospital-supplied backless wonder, she stumbled to the door and threw it open.

"Detective Rizzoli?" asked Jodie Shields, the night nurse. "How can I help you?"

"I have to go to Maura. She needs me."

"It's 3.20 in the morning, Detective. She's safe at home."

Jane, between her deafness and the adrenalin buzzing through her system from the nightmare, couldn't hear what the nurse had said. "I can't hear you. I'm going to Maura's."

Jodie pressed the panic button at the nurses' station, told the aide to stay put, and walked slowly and calmly to stand in front of the detective. Jane was wild-eyed and bleeding from the IV sites, and was trying to work out the easiest escape route when the nurse put her hand on Jane's shoulder. The detective whirled around and all she saw was a threat, so she attempted to throw Jodie to the floor. Unfortunately, her broken ribs wouldn't allow her to make that kind of maneuver, so she grunted in pain and fell to the floor. The nurse very slowly walked around so that she was in Jane's line of sight. Very carefully, she reached out to Jane. This time, Jane focussed on the maroon uniform, and watched the woman in scrubs speak to her.

"Detective, we need to get you back in bed, okay?" Jodie noticed the two security guards come barrelling into the hallway, and motioned for them to stay back. She didn't need to have her already-agitated patient go into a complete meltdown. She held out her hand for Jane to take, and asked, "Who's your doctor, Detective?"

"DeSpain."

The nurses' aide behind the station picked up the phone and made a hurried call to Jane's primary doctor. All the while, Jodie stayed at Jane's level on the floor, talking calmly even though Jane couldn't hear her. Jodie tapped Jane's hand, and asked, "Would it be alright with you if we helped you back into bed, Detective?"

Jane nodded slowly and tried to stand, but the pain from her ribs kept her on the floor. The nurse got Jane's attention and pointed towards the nurses' aide. "Can I have Cassie help me, Detective?" Again, Jane nodded, and Jodie asked Cassie to get a wheelchair. Locking the chair in position next to Jane, the aide stood on her right side while the nurse stood on her left. "On my count, one, two, three," tapping Jane's arm with her count so as to keep the surprise and the pain to a minimum, and the two women were able to seat Jane in the chair. The nurse signalled to the guards that they were okay now, so the two burly men retreated down the hallway.

"Go check the detective's bed, please Cassie. You'll probably need to change the sheets." Jodie felt a tug on her arm, and looked into Jane's tear-filled eyes.

"Will you please call Dr Maura Isles for me? I need to know that she's okay."

"Of course, detective. Let's just get you settled, alright?" Jane agreed, and Jodie pushed her behind the nurses' station. She had just started checking Jane's arms when Phil DeSpain jogged up to them. Jodie quickly filled him in on what had happened, and he carefully lifted Jane's arms.

"Jane, Jane, Jane. If you wanted to go for a run, you should have just asked me, and we could have gone together!" he said as he gave her shoulder a very gentle shove. "What's your pain like?"

"About an eight." The response was grudging, but welcome for its honesty. "I need to see Maura. Now."

"Are you always this bossy at four in the morning?" DeSpain moved out of Jane's reach as she tried to slap his hand as payback for the smart-alec remark. "I'll have Jodie call Dr Isles as soon as we have you back in bed AND you tell me why you felt the need to unplug yourself. Deal?"

"Deal," was grunted out very softly. Jane's volume control was all over the place - the only thing about her voice that was the same as her pre-deaf was the raspy smokiness.

So, they got Jane settled back in bed, and reinserted the IVs. She knew that she'd have to go for more X-rays to see if she'd displaced her ribs, and Jane also knew that once she told DeSpain why she'd gotten out of bed, there'd be yet another therapist coming to see her.

###

"Dr Isles," came out sleepily. The response had her snapping awake almost instantly.

"Dr Isles, this is Jodie Shields at Mass Gen. I'm one of Detective Rizzoli's nurses."

"How's Jane? What's happened?"

"We need you to come in as soon as you can. Detective Rizzoli has had a particularly bad night, and she really needs to see you. Are you able to come in, doctor?"

Maura had thrown off the bedclothes while the nurse was speaking. "Of course. I'll be there shortly," she responded as she walked briskly to her closet to get appropriate clothing.

"Detective Rizzoli will want to know details, doctor."

"Of course she will," Maura mused into the phone. "Please let Jane know that I'll be there in twenty minutes."

"Thank you Dr Isles. I'll let her know." There was a brief silence, then Jodie added, "Dr DeSpain is in with Detective Rizzoli. He'll want to speak with both of you."

Maura was taken somewhat aback by the cryptic comment. "That sounds a little ominous, Nurse Shields."

"I hope not, doctor. I'll let them know when you'll be in."

Maura thanked the nurse gravely, ended the call and continued dressing, all the while pondering what on earth had happened to Jane.

* * *

**Once again, thank you for your kind reviews, follows and favourites. They are all much appreciated.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Punishment 11**

**Still not mine. Thank you for the reviews. Really too kind!**

* * *

It was finally the end of official visiting hours, Maura had just left, and Jane was exhausted. The day hadn't gone anywhere near as well as she'd hoped, so as she relaxed back into her hard-as-hell hospital-issue pillows, she thought back over the day.

###

Maura had arrived just after 5.30 that morning, wanting to know what had happened to Jane that had necessitated an early morning wake-up call. She had seen for herself how agitated Jane was, and how quickly Jane calmed down once she had seen that the doctor was fine.

She refused to tell Maura about the nightmare, so Maura had kissed her on the forehead, and gone to work, as Jane had requested.

Jane had x-rays after breakfast, then PT and respiratory therapy, then it was time for lunch. She knew that that her family wanted to visit, but there was no way that she would let them see her like this - weak and broken. She also knew that her mother had been trying to gain access to her, but Jane didn't have the emotional reserves or the desire to see Angela just yet. Jane knew that Maura would relay any relevant information, so Jane left the issue of family visits as something for Future Jane to handle.

Dr DeSpain came by on rounds about 2PM, and he brought yet another therapist with him. This time, though, things went very differently.

"Jane! How're you feeling now?"

She grinned tiredly. "Just tired after PT." She looked over at the woman in uniform,and asked, "What's going on?"

"This," he answered as he guided the woman closer to introduce her to Jane, "is Major Kelly Shepherd, US Marine Corps Medical." The marine extended her hand to Jane and shook it firmly. "Kelly is in Psychological Health in Arlington." He looked over at the major, then back at Jane. "Kelly's a psychiatrist who specialises in treating PTSD." He stopped and waited for the explosion.

It never came.

Jane nodded, then simply asked, "Can I trust you, Major Shepherd?"

"Semper fi, Detective Rizzoli. Always faithful," came the ready response. "Phil told me a little about your experience with the staff psychiatrist, and I gather that you don't particularly like shrinks anyway," Kelly said as she pulled a chair closer to Jane's bed, always facing Jane so she could lipread. "I can promise you that none of what you and I talk about will go anywhere that you don't want it to. It will be part of your medical records, though, but I can redact any or all of it for you," she finished with a knowing smile.

"So, you deal with vets with PTSD, huh?"

"Yes, that's my main focus. I do some work with Marine families, but I mostly work within the Corps with serving Marines."

Jane leant back against the raised bedhead, and couldn't stop the wince of pain as her broken ribs made contact with the pillows. DeSpain observed this, and asked if she needed extra pain relief. Jane indicated that she was okay for now, and Shepherd just nodded at her.

"What?"

"You're acting like most wounded Marines do, all macho and 'I'm good'. The pain relief will help with the healing process."

"Yeah, I know, but I don't wanna get addicted."

The major nodded again, and said, "It's good that you're aware of that aspect. Do you smoke or drink?"

"Nope, not a smoker, and like I can drink in here!"

That answer drew a laugh from Kelly. "Tell you what. I'll have Phil get you onto non-narcotic pain relief, and I'll bring you in a beer tomorrow. Sam Adams okay?"

Jane smiled happily, but then grimaced as Kelly leant forward and said, "So, Jane. Tell me about your dreams."

###

Jane pondered how the rest of the afternoon had gone. She had related the nightmare from the previous night, and had actually managed to talk freely, for the first time ever, about Charles Hoyt, and what he had done to her and to Maura. The Marine had pointed out to her that she had taken control at a vital moment, and saved both herself and Maura. Kelly had warned her that overcoming PTSD was a slow process, and that there would be setbacks, but that Jane needed to know that the major would be there for her every step of the way. Just before Shepherd left, she handed Jane a small device. At Jane's questioning look, Kelly explained that she could connect it to her room phone, and it would translate the caller's spoken words into type that Jane could read.

"So, Jane, this way when you wake up screaming tonight, you can call me and scream at me. I'll help you through it."

"You think that'll happen?"

Kelly nodded. "Sadly, yes, I think you'll dream again tonight. Until you start to feel like you're gaining control back over your life, it'll keep happening. And even when you're back living your life, the setbacks will happen. Less frequently, for sure, but still there."

"Semper fi, huh?"

"Hoorah!" came the immediate response, and Kelly had left Jane to decompress.

Maura had arrived not long after that, But Jane still didn't open up about what had happened during the night, or about her new doctor. 'Gotta be able to control something in my life,' Jane thought. Maura knew that Jane was hiding, but she didn't press. After eating the dinner that Maura had brought - Robber food, yay! - Maura had climbed onto the bed beside Jane, and just held her. Jane couldn't hear Maura's heartbeat, but she could feel it, and it helped. When it was time to leave, Maura had put her lips on Jane's forehead, and whispered, "I love you," hugged her gently, and left.

Around 9PM, nurse Sheila brought in Jane's meds, including a sleeping pill and the new painkiller. She kept her hand on Jane the whole time, and Jane drew comfort from the contact.

Finally, Sheila finished up, turned down the lights, and left Jane to sleep. Surprisingly, Jane drifted off relatively quickly.

Then the nightmare began.

###

_She could smell the fear sweating out of Marino as he dragged her through the front doors of the station. Jane knew that ordinarily she could take him, but he had hold of her too tightly._

_"It's over Bobby, let her go!"_

_"Just shoot him!"_

_"Get your keys out!"_

_"Shoot him! Just shoot him!"_

_"Jane? Jane!"_

_Marino turned them both and fired at Maura, hitting her in the shoulder at the same time at the Tactical officer took the shot at Marino. Jane felt the warm spray of blood and brains as she threw his arm off her shoulders and ran to her friend._

_"Maura? Maura! Answer me!" she cried as she dropped to her knees at Maura's side. She put her hands on the entry wound, but there was so much blood. Dimly, she heard Korsak calling for a bus. "Come on, Maura, open your eyes for me."_

_The ME turned unseeing eyes towards Jane. "Jane?" choked out as blood flowed out of her mouth._

_"Come on, where's the bus?" Jane yelled. She turned back to Maura. "Come on, Maur. Stay with me, sweetie." She watched in horror as Maura's eyes started to close. "NO! You don't get to do this, Maura. You gotta stay with me!"_

_Maura struggled to get her eyes open. She looked up into Jane's eyes, and oh, so slowly lifted her hand and cupped Jane's cheek. She brushed ineffectively at Jane's tears. "S'alright, Jane. Just need to sleep. L-l-love y-you," Maura said on an exhale._

_There was no answering inhale._

_Jane pulled her up onto her lap and screamed._

###

The phone buzzed on the bedside table, and was answered quickly. "Major Shepherd."

A pause, then, "Doc?"

* * *

**AN: To all those involved in counselling, I'm aware of the real-life pitfalls of the course of action being pursued AT THIS STAGE, and I understand more about PTSD than you think.**

**"Patience is a virtue" is a quote from a movie I think is cool. You guess it, you get to pick a plot point in a future chapter! **


End file.
